Overload

It used to be that when I would concentrate and truly think something through, I felt better about it. I felt confident in my decisions, proud that I was doing the right thing and my anxiety would fade away.

Now, I focus on something and it's more of a stress each and every time I think of it. It doesn't matter what the "it" is... the more I think about it, the more I worry. I think about the details, the little things that could go wrong.

It's that worry that literally keeps me up at nights. Here I am... after three in the morning... and I'm trying to figure out what can help me to relax at this point. It's not caffeine or sugar keeping me up... it's almost as if it's an obsession I can't let go.

Listening to relaxing music now... smelling the cleansing scent of a Yankee Candle... in the words of George Constanza: SERENITY NOW!!!!

Yeesh...

Dogs are funny. Ours is a protector-type. She loves us both and makes sure that we are happy. If we look bored, she is more than delighted to bring in one of her toys and force us to play with her. If we are sad, she will lick the tears from our faces... and if we need protected --- WOW! She is all bark! The funniest is that she protects us from the mail carrier six days a week. She BARKS and BARKS... as if to say, "I told you YESTERDAY to stay away and I still mean it today!" Then she runs to us with her wagging tail and wants to get the mail with us. Too funny.
LOVE our little furry girl, Belle!

Secrets

In my family, I have the reputation of being "the vault" because I can keep secrets. Sometimes this is a good thing. I get to know birthday and Christmas presents for people and can then enjoy the anticipation of seeing the loved one's face when he or she is eventually surprised. That's always fun.

Other times, it feels like a burden. Recently I have been told several things that I can't tell anyone. Things that I wish the secret-originator would share earlier rather than later to lessen the hurt of others when they find out. True, they deserve to let others know when they feel ready to share the information (and I'm not going to breech that confidence)... but those are the times when I truly feel caught in the middle... in a very awkard middle. :-(

On the other hand, there are secrets I don't want to share with the whole world either. Secrets that, in the past, I've discussed with Bob and nobody else and I'm glad they aren't "out there" for the world.

Just out of curiousity, I looked up "secret" on www.dictionary.com. The definitions that make me smile include: "Dependably discreet" (which I feel I am); "Not expressed; inward" (which is why Bob knows many things I won't share with others); "Beyond ordinary understanding" (which is how I feel about teaching middle school and why I don't always share my day's experiences with non-teachers); and "Containing information, the unauthorized disclosure of which poses a grave threat to national security" (which describes none of MY secrets... good thing, otherwise I'd have to kill you --- haha).

So soon?

I was watching some late-night television so I could get sleepy and just saw something I was hoping not to see: a political ad for the November election. Yeesh. Christmas in July... campaigning in July... I almost wish I were distracted by school this summer. Almost! ;-)

On a happier note, here is what, to me, is the ultimate summer treat: my mom's rhubarb pie recipe. It's not for everyone, but it's the only dessert I can't pass up!

Rhubarb Pie
Pastry for 9-inch shell and top crust
2 well-beaten eggs
1-3/4 cups sugar
1/4 cup flour
1/4 teas. salt
4 cups sliced rhubarb
Butter or margarine

Combine eggs, sugar, flour and salt. Add rhubarb and mix well. Arrange in pie shell. Dot with butter or margarine. Top with second crust, seal and flute edges and cut slits in the top for steam to escape.
Bake in very hot oven (450 deg.) for 15 minutes. Reduce heat to moderate oven (350 deg.) and bake 30 minutes longer. Cool before cutting.

Another day...

another wish we were in Olympia, Washington! The humidity here in Ohio is combining with the heat. Blech. I long for last week when we were in the low humidity of western Washington state.

On the positive side, we DO have Belle here at home with us. (She loves to entertain us and give us puppy kisses.) Bob is back from his business trip. (I missed him quite a bit this time.)

All in all... it's all good! :-)